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WHEREAS the battery on my Laptop is starting to Piss me Off,

AND WHEREAS despite the wealth and power accorded to the Emperor, We do not wish to Waste our Money by Splashing Out on a so-called “Netbook,” which will invariably turn out to be some sort of Cheap Shit slapped together in a Factory in Shenzen,

AND WHEREAS more and more of these Netbooks are coming with Windows XP, which while undoubtably Better than “Vista” is itself still Shite on Toast,

NOW THEREFORE DO I, Emperor Morton I, Emperor of the United States, Protector of Mexico, Guardian of the Dominion of Canada and King-in-Exile of the Four Provinces, order and command Our noble Subjects in the Barony of Cupertino to turn all their efforts toward the Production of a “Netbook” in the style of the Order of the Hexachrome Fruit, of quality Build and low Battery usage, yet suitable to be integrated into the Network in Our Imperial Domicile.

GIVEN by my hand, this day 11 August 2008, from Our outpost at Moffett Imperial Airbase.

GOD SAVE THE ME!!

We feel that we are right and just in claiming the throne of the United States, abdicated by our noble and royal forbear the Emperor Norton I when he departed this life.  It is often said that in America, anyone can become President, and We feel this is too much of a risk to take.  In addition, the American people often do a piss-poor job of selecting their own leaders, and perhaps if spared the necessity of chusing they might turn their attention toward more important considerations.  However, in Our learned observation, it seems that the thing that the people of the United States most seek in their rulers is in fact Entertainment Value, and We feel certain that within the pages of this, our “blog”, We can provide you with a fine and adequate supply of amusements.